Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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