Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
