so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
