do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
