YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
His nipple licking is glorious
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