I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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