I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
