On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need to calm my uterus...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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