this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
