Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
