dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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