Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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