he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
