Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My hand turned me down
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
