have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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