im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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