I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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