I heard we made out
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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