All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize