I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
