I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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