I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
