Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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