Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
cat food counts as protein by the way
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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