I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
