thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
