Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
