my room smells like sperm. sweet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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