I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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