dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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