Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's never too late to be topless.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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