And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
