I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night