If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is