The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
