my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
