dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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