i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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