We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
