if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
