pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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