She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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