I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
