how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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