Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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