I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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