My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
