so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
two words: eviction party
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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