Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think my moral compass just broke
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
