Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
