woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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