Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
