can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
