I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
