You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
