David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
