I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
