you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just invented taco cereal.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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