You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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