he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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