I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Small penises have feelings too.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
