So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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