Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have aggressive nipples.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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