Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
